d100 What are the guards doing?
Standing around all day, maybe walking your rounds.
Trying to stay awake. Trying to pay attention.
Day in, and day out. (yawn)
From my Reddit post:
https://www.reddit.com/r/d100/comments/1c0lh50/d100_what_are_the_guards_doing/
d100 List:
1 Sharpening a weapon
2 Playing poker with another guard
3 Ahem, smooching a commoner
4 Guarding a prisoner (checking them into the area, checking them out of the area)
5 Singing a tavern song
6 Laughing loudly at each other's jokes
7 Yelling at / arguing with another guard about (d6): 1 whose turn it is to do guard duty, 2 who ate the last serving of rations, 3 who the server winked at in the tavern last night, 4 who was supposed to bring the weapons (they have no weapons), 5 who was supposed to bring the toilet paper, 6 why one of them always has to "start something" [a fight] at the festival/tournament/etc.
8 Trying to light a new torch (their previous torch just burned out)
9 Cringing as their boss yells at them for falling asleep on duty
10 Changing of the guard (one guard checking in, one checking out)
11 Coughing loudly with pneumonia or tuberculosis
12 Playing solitaire (cards) alone
13 Walking toward the PCs as they return from walking their rounds (10*d12 feet away)
14 Practicing a small instrument (lute, pipes, snare drum, etc.) (member of the guard band)
15 Yawning, over and over (2 in 6 chance to fall asleep each minute)
16 Blowing the seeds off a daisy and making a wish / looking for a 4-leaf clover in the weeds / picking petals off a flower and saying "she loves me, she loves me not, . . . "
17 Taking a nap and snoring loudly
18 Walking away from the PCs as they walk their rounds (return in d10 rounds)
19 Tying their shoes / Putting on their boots
20 Talking to another guard about (d6): 1 who has the best lover, 2 which type of pet is best, 3 whose weapon is best, 4 whose horse is best, 5 whether it's better to have higher Strength or Dexterity, 6 why wizards are such nerds
21 Pants down (Peeing / Pooping)
22 Shivering while wrapped in their thin guard's cape (if cold outside, or raining) / Sweltering under their thin guard's cape, rigged as a little "head-gear" umbrella to shade them from the sun (if hot outside) [either way, they're miserable, and potentially susceptible to persuasion that gets them out of the elements]
23 Throwing up (recovering from a hangover)
24 Delusional from a high fever
25 Just flipping a coin, over and over
26 Strung out on drugs
27 Drunk, slurring words and reeling
28 Playing beer pong (with a walnut) with another guard
29 Trying to look cool, wearing sunglasses, smoking tobacco / weed / etc.
30 Talking to a commoner about (d6): 1 the weather, 2 the harvest, 3 which tavern to meet at after work, 4 why the guard wasn't in church this week, 5 a creature stealing the livestock, 6 why don't the guards do something about the gangs/bandits in the area
31 Practicing with their weapon (slashing the air with a sword, target practice with a bow, etc.)
32 Rummaging through their backpack, belt pouch, etc., looking for something
33 Eating a snack (crunchy apple, hard boiled egg, cheese and crackers, jerky and a biscuit, etc.)
34 Drinking (water) from a waterskin [followed by loud belch]
35 Sneaking a nip (of alcohol) from a pocket flask
36 Shining their shoes/boots/belt buckle/medals/insignia
37 Playing dice with another guard
38 Sneezing loudly in a hanky due to having an annoying cold
39 Writing a crude joke on their cast (they have a broken arm/leg)
40 Waiting as a medic changes the bandages on their head (injured earlier)
41 Whistling a tune
42 Whittling a little wooden toy soldier with a knife
43 Throwing contest with another guard (trying to hit a tree, etc., with a pebble)
44 Chomping on chewing tobacco and having a spitting contest
45 Beating up a prisoner
46 Chasing some other person/group who are trying to run past the guard
47 Playing fetch with a little pet dog (or rat)
48 Practicing their juggling (apples, or daggers, or torches)
49 Refilling a lantern with oil
50 Yelling at / arguing with a commoner about (d6): 1 dating the commoner's teenage kid, 2 being respectful to guards, 3 why the commoner's papers don't look legit, 4 why the commoner was attempting to evade taxes on [some commodity], 5 whether the guard is coming to family dinner night, 6 why the commoner "doesn't have what it takes" to be a member of the guard
51 Playing marbles with another guard
52 Nursing a toothache (bandages around jaw, talking difficult)
53 Looking at themselves vainly in a pocket mirror and brushing their flowing hair
54 Brushing their teeth, using their messkit tin as a washbasin
55 Having a (loud) farting contest with another guard and trying not to laugh
56 Improving their guard post (hammering on wooden guard hut, stacking sandbags, digging foxhole deeper, etc.)
57 Heating up their sad little meal in their messkit tin over a small, sputtering campfire
58 Doing deep knee bends and push ups (exercises)
59 Deep into reading an exciting book about a heroic guard
60 Sewing a button back onto their uniform using a needle and thread
61 Reading fresh orders from a note sent by their boss
62 Putting on a fresh pair of socks (their shoes/boots are off)
63 Writing a boring status report on a note to send to their boss
64 Shaving with a razor, shaving cream, and a little pocket mirror, using their messkit tin as a washbasin
65 Kneeling in prayer, holding their holy symbol
66 Releasing a prisoner
67 Away from their post, checking that the other guard nearby in not away from their post
68 Enjoying a hot beverage (tea, coffee, etc.)
69 Sweeping the floor around their guard post
70 Cleaning their weapon
71 Trying to get ahead, doing their homework while on duty (math, spelling, or something)
72 Taking a bribe for allowing someone to smuggle something past the guard station
73 Twirling a cudgel at the end of a lanyard
74 Lying down, mysteriously already dead
75 Lying down, pretending to be dead
76 Sitting still, leaning against wall/tree, with hat/helmet pulled down over eyes, chest moving up and down (sleeping?. . . or pretending to be sleeping?)
77 Guard is blind or deaf, but PCs don't know
78 Polishing an alarm bell/gong
79 Running away from a monster/mob/etc., toward the PCs! (don't yet see PCs)
80 About to rebel against their bosses [dude, they've had enough of this s**t]
81 Preparing to execute/hang a prisoner
82 Writing a letter to a faraway sweetheart
83 Engaged in a fistfight amongst themselves
84 Complaining to each other that they hate working this particular guard post
85 Trying to keep something *in* a location, rather than trying to keep the PCs *out*
86 *Pretending* to be friendly towards the PCs
87 Checking someone's identity papers
88 Checking someone's backpack/cart/wagon for contraband
89 On a break, sitting against a wall/tree/door and smoking, their weapon lying beside them
90 Pacing back-and-forth nervously, frequently looking over their shoulder
91 Paying a commoner to sneak them alcohol while on duty
92 Musing on philosophy, while twirling their handlebar mustache
93 Cleaning their monocle
94 Talking excitedly among themselves (or to him/herself, if alone) (about what?)
95 Attempting to hide from something (not the PCs) (but why????)
96 Folding origami animals
97 Attempting, but failing (over and over), to cast a magic spell
98 Looking at the clouds (day) / stars (night) and contemplating the vastness of the universe.
99 Oiling/greasing the hinges of the door/gate they are guarding
100 Looking straight at the PC's location (but do they actually see the PCs???)
PLUS, 20 MORE BONUS LIST ITEMS!
Items 101-117 from u/World_of_Ideas:
101 Escorting something/someone: (artifact, chest, merchant, noble, priest, prisoner, suspect, VIP, witness)
102 Practicing parade drills
103 Questioning people about (an accident, a crime, a criminal, a suspect, stolen goods, illegal goods, a monster, a missing person, a mysterious event)
104 Searching the area for (someone, something)
105 Talking with an informant
106 Comparing scars or old injuries
107 Donning their uniform (or armor)
108 Discarding their uniform. Oh, wait, that was someone *impersonating* a guard! (but, why?...)
109 Dragging a (dead, tied up, unconscious) person
110 Guard is bound and gagged (who did this, and why???)
111 Hiding something / Accessing a hidden stash
112 Practicing their speech that they are going to tell someone
113 Repeating the (combination, directions, instructions, pass phrase), that they are trying to remember
114 Shooing away (vagrants, street urchins, animals) from the area
115 Sounding an alarm (bell, gong, horn, whistle, signal fire, flare arrow, etc). (Has nothing to do with the PCs.)
116 Training a guard animal ("fetch!", "stay!", "sit!", "attack!", "release!", etc.)
117 Wearing scary "goth" makeup to look intimidating, so commoners won't bother them with annoying questions
118 Using their position to extort (favors, money) from someone
119 Arguing over what would win in a cage fight: an owlbear or a displacer beast? (u/I_Am_Lord_Grimm)
120 Reading a library book with title (d6): 1 "Gardening as a Side-Hustle," 2 "Dwarven Home Brewing Secrets," 3 "Dice Games and How to Win Them," 4 "100 Best Barmaid Pickup Lines," 5 "Guards' Lance #5 (book 5 in the 47-book pulp adventure series)," 6 "Magic Tricks for the Beginner." (inspired by: u/NewLibraryGuy)
